Life, Day by Day

To be or not to be...concerned, worried, bothered, involved on one hand, or indifferent, detached, uninterested, uncaring on the other.  That is the dilemma I face now-a-days with regards to my brother's almost 15 year old daughter.  My brother who is a single parent lives next door with his two kids, a son and a daughter.  The son started college last year and comes home only during breaks while the daughter is still in high school. My brother works in another city four days a week. He goes every Friday afternoon and comes home early Tuesday morning, leaving my niece whom I shall call Aloof Girl with their househelp cum nanny during those days. Her mom usually comes to pick her up on Saturdays unless something comes up and brings her back on Sunday afternoon. Her relationship with us has been good until last year when her brother left. Since her dad and brother weren't around, I would watch out for her and she did not like it. She felt it was enough that her father knew...

Frankly I don't remember talking what I wanted to be when I grew up.  It was always the adults around me who would answer..."a doctor!"...every time someone asked. And like a good mimic...I would say the same thing.  Of course, as the years went by the idea of becoming a doctor took root and when college came, I just went along for the ride.  But what did I really want to be?  What were my dreams? Well for one, I wanted to be a princess.  I don't remember who brought me to see Forever My Love (1962), a condensed version of Sissi, a 1955-57 film trilogy loosely based on the life of  Elizabeth, Empress of Austria .  What I remember after that is the fact that I was so taken by the idea that maybe I could be a princess.  I think I was around age 6 then, and later I was able to see the sequel (?) to the film which further fueled my imagination and dream of becoming one.  I would convert my bed into a castle, my blankets into long skirts and pl...

A few days ago, I was talking to some people I just met at a dinner party about my career and how I got to be where I am now. I said something about not really wanting to be a doctor but somehow as I plodded on in my studies, it was too late to change my mind. And then I talked about getting my MBA and being in my present job and so, one of them asked me if I was happy now...and I laughed and said, not really and that was when someone said...so what do you want to be when you grow up. That comment although jokingly said, hit close to home...the realization that I am still a work in progress...that inspite of being middle-aged, it is still not very clear to me what I really want in my life. I have said this years ago and until now I keep on repeating myself... that I know what I don't want...what I still don't know is what I do want . I envy people who dare take risks to go after what they want in life. I continue to see my life as one that is so predictable, so conscientiou...