Life, Day by Day

Last May 7, my mom, brother, son and I boarded a plane to Manila for a brief "vacation", if you could call going to the big city that. It was my mom who needed to be there for an annual CWL convention while the rest of us were there only for the ride. The last time my mom traveled to Manila was about 3 years ago and it's been about 4 years ago for my brother and son. At that time, my mom although already suffering from hip osteoarthritis was still quite mobile but lately, it has really been getting more difficult for her to get around and this has become more evident during this latest trip to Manila. Although I see her as growing old, this reality did not seem to be very apparent to me maybe because life in the province is more laid-back, or maybe because I refuse to dwell on the fact that my mom was indeed aging and sooner than later, so will I.

Yesterday, March 7, the pilgrim relic of St Therese of the Child Jesus was schedule to pass by our small city on it's way to the airport going to Manila. The last time the relic came to the Philippines was in 2000 and I remember lining up with my Mom, brother, son, our house helpers in the Carmelite Monastery Chapel in Bacolod City where it was placed for public veneration. We were among the thousands who lined up then. This time, when the relic arrived we did not have a chance to visit because we had so many appointments and in fact, my mom said that everyone in Bacolod was in the Carmelite's except us. So the next best thing was just to line up in church to watch it pass by in motorcade on it's way to the airport. I woke up early and drove my Mom to the church, and on our way we saw children lining the streets carrying the diocesan flags and flowers also waiting for the motorcade. Upon reaching the church, I wondered aloud...why are the people inside, will the relic ...

A few days ago, I was talking to some people I just met at a dinner party about my career and how I got to be where I am now. I said something about not really wanting to be a doctor but somehow as I plodded on in my studies, it was too late to change my mind. And then I talked about getting my MBA and being in my present job and so, one of them asked me if I was happy now...and I laughed and said, not really and that was when someone said...so what do you want to be when you grow up. That comment although jokingly said, hit close to home...the realization that I am still a work in progress...that inspite of being middle-aged, it is still not very clear to me what I really want in my life. I have said this years ago and until now I keep on repeating myself... that I know what I don't want...what I still don't know is what I do want . I envy people who dare take risks to go after what they want in life. I continue to see my life as one that is so predictable, so conscientiou...

From the moment I registered on Facebook , I knew that this was the site for me...not Friendster, not MySpace, not Multiply, not whatever else is there. It's not a perfect site but it has something for everyone whatever their age, sexual orientation, religion, etc. It's a place where one can interact with people and here, I found it easier to keep in touch with friends that just e-mailing them. Facebook has helped me keep up with what my friends are doing without necessarily talking to them. There's an article I found about how to use Facebook professionally and the best thing is that it's a lot of fun! Right now I have 110 people on my friends list, most of whom I know personally but a few random friends who I think are really nice people. I've had 3 or 4 people who have removed me from their friend list and I think that's rude because I would never remove anyone but then, that's me. Still, people who do that are not really someone who I'd like to ...

January 2008 is halfway over and I have spent most of the first 2 weeks of the year doing, thinking, planning NOTHING. Somehow I could not bring myself to focus on anything. Not that there is nothing to focus on, on the contrary, there are so many things to do...so much more important that what I am wasting my time on. There are issues to face, conflicts to resolve, problems to work out, finances to manage, meetings to attend to...in other words, RESPONSIBILITIES that I have to face sooner than later. But, everyday I wake up not wanting to do anything constructive. Well, I have always been a procrastinator but this time...I just can't get my energy and concentration up. It's like...what am I doing all this for...why am I doing this? And the answers I get do not excite me at all because they are reasons that tell me because I have to...not because I want to... But, if I continue being like this and January 2008 ends with me still sleepwalking, I'm afraid that I might n...

Today is Christmas Day ...a few more hours and it will be a day of the past. I went to hear mass at 11 AM, having overslept after our noche buena celebration which ended at about 2 AM. As I listened to the sermon, the words of the priest struck a note because he talked about something which I needed to hear.

The last time I saw them was in 1984 just before they left to immigrate in the US with their parents. They were children then and so much has happened and changed since then. Last week, they came to visit...our US based first cousins, children of my mom's youngest brother. They came with their mother, my uncle's first wife and also, the 4 year old daughter of my cousin, the first grandchild in their family. It was good to see them all grown up and leading relatively responsible lives. It would have been really wonderful if their dad was with them but, he passed away 2 years ago and part of his ashes is buried here with his parents. But, like what his daughter said, she was sure that their papa was with them in spirit and happy to see them connecting with his family here. I think so too...and my mom after we brought them to the airport and saw them off...said aloud, " Raul, are you happy now? "