Life, Day by Day

Christmas when I was a child was all about tradition...the family gatherings at my grandparents whether in Manila or in Silay, the "you have to go to sleep or Santa won't come" threat after dinner, the opening of gifts and noche buena at midnight, the Christmas morning breakfast and mass, and luncheon with all the other relatives and extended families.  After my maternal grandfather died, my maternal grandmother soon after moved to Bacolod.  Although Christmas celebrations continued to be traditional, it stayed local...meaning we stopped going to Manila for the holiday season.  Then my uncle (Dad's brother) and paternal grandfather died within a month of each other.  And so, that year because my Dad's side of the family did not want to celebrate in Silay with all the memories of Christmas past, we went to Manila and Christmas Eve was spent in a hotel room near Paco Park and New Year's eve in the boat coming back to Negros. 

Once in a while I do get superstitious, especially when something bad happens to things at home one after another.  I get this eerie sense that when these occur it somehow offsets a worse event from happening and I can only feel relief.  Suddenly it does not matter that over the weekend my son lost another cell-phone... that this morning, our table top Christmas tree fell again...that my expensive hair clip broke...and that the staff of the mini St. Joseph  broke after my daughter threw the small statue.  Over-all, it has been a great week and today was a very good day.  But isn't it scary when life seems almost perfect?  So when something makes my day imperfect, I always thank God that all that negative energy has been channeled to something unimportant and replaceable in my life. And that I am once again lucky and blessed.

On Friday, I will be a wedding godmother to someone I have known since she was a little girl.  I have seen her grow up and shared her parent's pride when she passed the CPA exams.  She has become one lovely young woman and the man she is marrying is one lucky guy! It also dawned on that I am indeed growing older...I am now often asked to be a principal sponsor...a role that is reserved for mature and respected friends and members of the family.  I guess I am pretty lucky having experienced all the roles in a wedding entourage from flower girl...to bridesmaid...to secondary sponsor...and finally principal sponsor.  The first time I was asked was a few years back when I could not say no to my father's close friend to be a godmother to his apo (grand-child) from Canada who was getting married here.  After that I would refuse  requests although I have been told that I should not turn down one but I believe that being a wedding godmother comes with much respons...

When we get married, the next logical thing that happens are the coming of the children.  But when a marriage fails, what happens to the children?  Often times couples forget that the failure of a marriage does not only involve the two of them but largely affects the children. It cannot be denied that the family is vital in the development of children.  I do not think I would be the person that I am if my parents did not prioritize family, specifically their kids. We knew our parents had problems in their marriage but they never made us afraid that our family will fall apart...we were raised secure, comforted by their love and devotion. Yes, it may sound selfish but when you are a child, your parents and family is the only world you know of.  This is why parenthood is such a big sacrifice albeit, a fruitful and joyful one.  So, even if the marriage can't be saved, the children should always remain the priority of the couple. The children should be m...

Twenty years ago, my son came into my life as a 3 month old baby a few days after my dad passed away. My Dad had a massive first heart attack and the family was so unprepared for the loss. He attached himself to me before he could even say mama and as soon as he can walk he would follow me around...wherever I was in the house, he would be right there beside me. This little baby boy stole my heart like no man has ever done. He has given me the gift of motherhood and I finally understood what unconditional love looked like. When he was little I would always pray that he would turn out to be a good man...and well...I also hoped he would be tall since his birth mother is a very short person. So, I made him drink liters of milk, gave him growth vitamins and made him sleep early. When he turned 16, he was almost 5 feet 9 and I said to myself...I don't want to be greedy...5'9" is okay Lord. Well, he grew another inch taller...as well as bigger! And so, I begged the Lord.....

I looked up the legal definition of a family and this is what I got...and this ...and then this . It only goes to show that today's family is difficult to define because of its diversity primarily due to the many changes it has undergone through the years. In school I was taught that a family consists of a father, a mother and a child.  That teaching continues to this day even when families and family dynamics are no longer as simple as that.  When my son was in Grade 2 in a local Catholic school, his social studies teacher asked them to say something about their families and some of the children gave unusual answers.  She obviously was unprepared (or simply clueless) for what they gave because, not getting the "right" answers, she further explained that a father is the one that made your mother pregnant and a mother is the one who carried you in her tummy! Of course, when he was picked up from school, the first thing my son asked was, "where is my father" and...

As I am making more progress on my parents' respective family trees, I am also discovering a lot of family secrets...or maybe they were not really secrets but just got buried in the past.  As I unravel our family histories, I realize that human behavior then was not much different from what it is today. The only difference is that in the past there were clear cut rules on appropriate behavior while in this modern age, what is right and wrong has become relative. The poignant movie The Age of Innocence is a good example of how relationships and it's complications were handled by the middle and upper class in the 19th to the mid 20th century. There was a standard of behavior that put emphasis on importance of family and respect of society. If you fail to observe these, you are banished, exiled or marked as a persona non grata doomed to be set aside and ignored by family and society the rest of your life.  In the past, arranged marriages were common and if you're lucky, you m...